--- breaking the silence ---> Toward a Theory of Women's Doctoral Persistence
© Roberta-Anne Kerlin, 1997
Motivations and Aspirations for Pursuing the Doctorate
Why do women choose to pursue a Ph.D.? What are their motivations and what aspirations do they associate with the experience? While factors that directly influenced the women's decisions to enroll in a doctoral program were varied, their actual motivations for wanting to pursue a doctorate were surprisingly similar. All the women recognized the degree would give them increased professional flexibility and/or mobility; however, their motivations for pursuing the Ph.D. were related, first and foremost, to their own personal growth and development. The women wrote about their own love for learning, reading and writing, and about the satisfaction that comes from the pursuit of knowledge. They viewed pursuit of the doctorate primarily as both a challenge and an opportunity for personal growth.
The place I am reaching for is a place where intellectual activity is valued ... one where difference (ethnic, religious, sexual, etc.) is desirable. I see the path to this through education. That's how I have learned about different things, about feminism about politics, about other cultures. I want to open that door to others that's why I want to teach. Perhaps my aversion to the close-mindedness of my family is one of the reasons why I pursue a doctorate.Only Sarah had a clear idea from a very early age that she would one day pursue a doctorate. However, she had no particular aspirations to become an academic. For her, the Ph.D. felt like a logical extension of her education. She had developed an interest in organizational culture and qualitative research and she thought a Ph.D. would make her more marketable for higher-level positions in educational administration.
It was partly for personal and partly for professional reasons. I decided many years ago that I would earn a doctorate .... Maybe because I have always been an over-achiever. Maybe to prove that I was smart enough (or bull-headed enough) to do it.At a deeper level, Sarah's motivation to pursue a doctorate was intimately connected with her self-concept. She described herself as someone who comes from pioneer stock, an extrovert and an overachiever who is "a little more obsessive-compulsive about work and school than other people." For Sarah, the doctorate represented an external validation of her intellectual capabilities and her own sense of self-worth - factors that were deeply rooted in her experiences growing up as both the youngest and the only girl of three children.
[My brothers] got all the quantitative inclination in the family -- Needless to say, when you follow an act like that, as I did all through my school years, you are constantly compared (by teachers and parents) to your older (and, by inference, _smarter_) older brothers .... So I guess that all also feeds into the degree thing. I had a lot to prove, although most people would never understand that.Sarah described how being female played a significant role in shaping her view of the world. Her character and temperament - the unique ways in which she responds to roadblocks and to adversity as challenges to be overcome - ultimately may have contributed to her persistence at the doctoral level.
.... You asked why I felt I had a lot to prove in finishing the degree. I guess I've always felt that, not just about the degree but in general. Maybe because I'm the third of three children and so was always trying to keep up (or measure up) with my brothers. Maybe because I'm a woman. I remember once in 10th grade my geometry teacher told me, in front of the whole class, that I was so dumb I couldn't find my way out of a phone booth. And they wonder why women are math-phobic .... In fact, I think my gender has contributed more to that feeling of needing to prove myself than anything else. Always the subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) intimation that somehow I couldn't/wouldn't or shouldn't do something because I was a "girl." Like somehow the act of reading or breathing or running track or whatever would overtax my delicate constitution and leave me unfit for my "real" duties (making babies, etc.). I was actually told that once by my junior high principal. I'd really like to track all these folks down and show them my degree, but it's not worth the effort. Besides, in their own misguided and twisted way, they probably contributed to my perseverance. Maybe I wouldn't have stayed with the program if I hadn't felt I had so much to show to so many.Sarah further described herself as someone with a strong sense of "whimsy and irony" and "the most outrageous sense of humor" of anyone she knows. "I am fully convinced that if it hadn't been for my bull-headed compulsion to finish the degree, the 'Groff' background, and my sense of humor, I would never have made it. I would have quit back in '89 when my [second] husband walked out. And my life would have gone on, but not in the same way."
For three women, Camila, Tracy and Zoe, the inspiration and encouragement provided by previous teachers and professors was a factor that influenced their desire to further their education. Camila had not really planned to pursue a doctorate. She had entered a combined Master's-Ph.D. program in the fall of 1991 and thought she would complete the Master's degree and then return to Argentina. However, with her advisor's encouragement, Camila decided to continue her studies in the doctoral program. In Zoe's experience, two male professors in her undergraduate program where she was teaching part-time, actively supported her desire to pursue a Ph.D.
They wrote letters of reference when i applied for admission, helped me with a couple of assignments in grad school when i got "stuck", and kept in contact with me and it was not unusual for me to drop by their offices to chat while i was a grad student. This is how i came back here to teach, because we had kept the teacher-mentor-friend relationship alive they knew at all times how the grad degree was progressing and where i was at in the process.Tracy's pursuit of the doctorate was also inspired by her previous teachers. In her prep school, she had enjoyed some very close relationships with her teachers who served not only as important role models, but provided her with a lot of support for her intellectual pursuits that she hadn't seemed to get from anywhere else, particularly her family.
In Denise's case, four years elapsed between the time she withdrew from her master's program and her decision to pursue a doctorate - a decision due, in part, to a "very depressing job search" in which she found herself "over qualified for everything that might have paid the bills and under qualified for anything interesting."
A major factor in Maggie's decision to pursue the Ph.D. was the fact that her husband's application had been accepted at a southern U. S. university that also offered a Ph.D. program in her chosen field of study. Had it not been for this turn of events Maggie doubted she would have pursued the doctoral program otherwise. She always knew her ultimate career goal was to teach in a university setting; however, it was only when she inquired about the Ph.D. program and was asked if she would rather pursue a master's degree in fine arts rather than a doctorate that she learned her own master's degree was not a terminal degree.
I felt I had an equivalent of a MFA already, even if it was not considered the terminal degree ... Besides, from her description, the PhD really did not allow for much creative work in the realm of performing. The emphasis was in theory and scholarly inquiry ... I decided since I already had one master's degree, I did not want another ... So, I decided then and there I wanted to do the PhD program.Like Maggie - Camila, Denise, Zoe and Helen were particularly interested in learning about the theoretical and philosophical perspectives of various domains of knowledge. Camila had worked for seven years as a physical education teacher and she wanted to expand her knowledge and to develop "a broader understanding of educational theories and of teaching and learning in particular." Zoe believed the systems approach of sociology rather than the individualistic perspective put forth by psychology seemed to be a better way to "deal with and explain the reality of individual existence." Denise's interests in postmodernism, feminism, multiculturalism, changing epistemologies and chaos theory were a direct influence on her choice of an interdisciplinary doctoral program and her dissertation research.
Helen had not really given much thought to pursuing a doctorate after she completed her master's degree. She had been "turned off" by a double language requirement, convinced she couldn't be fluent in even one language. A couple of years passed during which Helen taught first year composition in a non-tenure track position and she was happy doing that. She enjoyed teaching composition and thought she did it exceptionally well. Then one day, a colleague with whom she shared an office "pitched a grad school flyer" her way and made an off-handed comment about how it would be nice to be able to do something like that. Helen read through the simple, one-page brochure. It described an interdisciplinary program with a long, wide-ranging list of possible areas of study including visual arts, philosophy, composition and cultural studies. Helen "KNEW" immediately that she had to go there - a decision she described as largely "intuitive." Over the years Helen has come to place an increasing degree of trust in these kinds of intuitive decisions, believing her choices have "a kind of coherence" that allows her to be comfortable with the long-term results.
Much of the pursuit of this degree -- like much of my teaching -- is intuitive. I've grown old enough to be able to trust this intuition comfortably a good deal of the time .... If it feels right do I go with it? -- often, yes. Depending on what's involved, though, my intuition might be only one of several things I consider.Maggie, Sarah and Helen experienced a good deal of ambivalence as they anticipated entering academe. For Maggie and Sarah the ambivalence centered around strong feelings of self-doubt about their academic abilities. Maggie reflected on her lack of confidence when she first discussed entering the doctoral program with faculty at her university.
... when I considered the PhD I think I wanted to be a little more hesitant in fully 'entering in.' I didn't know if I could do it, meet the expectations of myself let alone my instructors. I think during my masters I never had a full confidence in my abilities and therefore never trusted them. I entered the first PhD classes the same way. My confidence level was very low ... When I initially discussed the program with several faculty members, I really had no over all idea of what to expect. I was surprised I was even accepted.Sarah had even stronger feelings of self-doubt during her admission interview - this despite the fact that she held a position as Associate Director of Admissions at a nearby university and had held other similar positions for a number of years. She recalled "being somewhat terrified" prior to the interview. She recalled being forced to defend her then limited exposure to the literature.
I think I entered the program so, shall I say, half-heartedly with the intent of never finishing that it curbed me from putting any meaning or representation to the degree. Perhaps this was intentional on my part to shield me from disappointment if I didn't succeed in the program ...
In contrast to Maggie and Sarah, Helen is confident about her abilities to do the kind of original work expected of doctoral students. She attributes some of her confidence to the wisdom that comes with experience.
I'm almost fifty -- not ancient, but old enough to have had a fair amount of experience in knowing how I fare in 'real' situations .... I know I can DO the work...Nonetheless, Helen also experienced a great deal of ambivalence about entering academe. Like Maggie, Helen entered the program with the idea that she might not finish and initially, completing the degree wasn't something she considered seriously. However, unlike Maggie, Helen's interest in finishing the program had less to do with her confidence in her abilities and more to do with an interest in her own learning. Helen was interested in the program just "for the fun of it" and wanted to have a good year as a student.
I'm not much into testing my limits -- the adrenaline (or whatever) rush that comes from 'near-death' experiences (bungee cord jumping, for instance) isn't my style. I could probably 'do' that sort of thing too, but wouldn't unless forced. I'm willing -- and eager -- to *push* my limits, though, because I think that's where I learn. But this requires a sense of where I am and where the edge is.And although Helen has never viewed the degree as a measure of her self-worth, she has wondered whether a fear of failure, or at least making certain she could see herself being successful, might have been at the root of her early lack of investment in finishing the degree. Still, Helen isn't sure even yet that she wants the degree and this ambivalence is a topic she is exploring in her own dissertation. Her ambivalence about completing the degree is related to the transformational nature of the experience and to the very notion of what it means to become an academic.
Partly, it is my own struggle with the whole notion of becoming an academic .... a major challenge is my own hesitation to *become* a Ph.D. I know it's supposed to change me somehow, but I'm not sure how, and so am somewhat reluctant to go through an initiation not knowing what the outcome will be -- another of the things I'm addressing in my dissertation .... I'm not sure I really _like_ academics .... I wonder whether I'll be an academic I'll like, how the ritual will change me.Factors that influenced the women's motivations to pursue the doctorate can be summarized in the following way:
Factors that Enhance Motivation
- a love for - and the desire to continue and extend - one's own learning, reading and writing;
- a quest for knowledge; the satisfaction that comes from expanding one's knowledge and learning about the theoretical and philosophical perspectives of various domains of knowledge;
- the desire for openness (in contrast to close-mindedness);
- personal growth and development;
- opportunity to challenge one's personal limits;
- the potential for enhanced professional flexibility and/or mobility and more interesting and/or challenging opportunities in the work place;
- the appeal of specific and/or interdisciplinary programs;
- the doctorate represents an external validation of one's intellectual capabilities and sense of self-worth;
- previous teachers and professors who either inspired or encouraged the women to pursue the doctorate.
Factors that Diminish Motivation
- self-doubt about one's academic abilities;
- fear of failure;
- the undesirability of testing one's limits;
- fear of and/or unwillingness to seek validation or be judged by external, unknown standards/criteria;
- uncertainty about the way(s) in which one will, or might be, personally transformed in the process of obtaining the doctorate;
- the undesirability of some academics as role-models.
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